PAISLEY IS 5!

Paisley turning 5 has been overwhelming.  She's 5.  She's 5.  She goes to Kindergarten.  She speaks in mostly coherent sentences.  She has so many thoughts and feelings about EVERYTHING.  We just love her.  I'm so amazed at the little girl she's turning into.  I love it.

She requested an "ABD Rainbow Party" for her birthday.  This is my interpretation of that.  She was very specific about things NEEDING to be rainbow.  I still wanted to have things be a little bit clean cut and it was important to me that the letters be the big statement so I went simple and white with a lot of things.

I have big plans for a post about my vanilla cupcakes coming.  I have the best recipe that turns out every single time and I really want to share it.

We asked all of our guests to bring a letter as their gift or with their gift to ultimately make an "ABC wall."  This work is still in process and I'm sure I'll update with the finished product as well!!  So far it's coming together :)

I found most of the letters at Michael's in the dollar section (score!)

Target had JUST WHITE circus cookies AND chocolate alphabet cookies.

The cupcake wrappers are from Michael's, the noisemakers, plates, tablecloth, candles are all Target.

Alphabet magnets made the perfect favors!

We're going to pretend we're healthy people and we mostly ate fruit and not cupcakes.  It added to the rainbow theme.

Summer Birthday's are the best!!

Some of her friends did an amazing job with their letters!!  Diversity was really what makes the idea work so I was impressed with how awesome some of her letters were!!  Here is the "L" (upside-down).  She loves that it is bejeweled!

PAISLEY IS 4!

We love ponies in this house.  Even though she did a pony party last year, she wanted to go for it again this year.  It was either that or Rescue Bots, and she still chose ponies (it was a tough choice though...she LOVES Rescue Bots).  She is turning into such a little girl and has been so much fun.  I'm really enjoying this age with her and I love watching her learn and grow so much.  I think this will be her last year home with me full time and as much as I look forward to it I think I will be sad to see her in school!  

She could not leave her new ponies alone!!  I had to put them back over and over again as she would sneak over and play with them!

The water balloons wouldn't break on the cement!!  It was hilarious!

New Rainbow Dash hat!!

Love rainbow cake.  Totally worth it!

This is totally Paisley in her natural environment!  She loves her chickens and loves playing outside in the dirt.  They are all her babies

This picture is like a little Jon.  She looks so much like him with her neck getting longer!

BABIES DON'T KEEP

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

STELLA IS 1!

My baby is 1.  I still can't believe it.  It's like we've always had 2 children, but at the same time sometimes in the mornings they're a surprise like "who let these children in our house??  where did they come from?  why are they waking me up!!!?!"  It was so fun putting her in the same onesie that Paisley wore for her 1st birthday!  And of course Paisley had to be all fancy too in her cupcake dress.  It is nearly impossible to get a good picture of the two of them...oh well.  Their Daddy is their most favorite person in the whole entire world, and as you can see they LOVE HIM SOO MUCH.  He gets smothered every day he comes home.

her most favorite place in the world

The cupcakes and her cake were a comedy of errors.  As you can see, everything looks extra homemade!  The vanilla cupcakes came out perfect-they rose beautifully, they didn't burn and everything was looking like it was going to turn out amazing.  So I made the cake.  I wasn't sure exactly how much batter a 6" round took so I looked it up and it said 2 cups...I'm thinking that's for 2 rounds (because it was for a 2 layer cake)...and maybe I just can't read...either way me and Wilton are in a fight.  The first cake layer came out huge and took a long time to bake...so I attempted to even things out with the 2nd layer and do less...I don't know, either way I ended up with severely unequal, uneven layers, but at least they weren't burnt and they tasted good, right?

I then started making the frosting.  I LOVE fresh strawberry frosting but it is a bit temperamental.  I just made it a couple of weeks ago and it turned out perfect, thus renewing my strawberry-frosting-making-confidence.  my mistake.  I didn't realize this wasn't stiff enough until after I was halfway through frosting the cake (which I did let cool plenty long so I at least get stars for that, right?)  Getting an already broken and misshapen cake to shape up is difficult with good frosting, and I would say impossible with runny frosting. Into the fridge it went.  Unfortunately I'd already put the other portion in the bag for frosting the cupcakes so the cupcakes also went into the fridge with the hopes of freeze-framing the frosting.

Determined not to let the same thing happen to my chocolate frosting I made it ridiculously too thick and could not even get it to come out of the bag!!  (Once again, put it in the bag before confirming consistency...ahh, life lessons).

In the meantime, for one reason or another ALL of my chocolate cupcakes came out caved in and stuck to the pan!  The second batch was SO stuck I couldn't even get them out of the pan without completely destroying them so I gave up.  I can't really complain too much because as long as it all tastes good, I will always stand by my baking...I just can't always promise perfect presentation.

watermelon is her favorite

I love how well this captures my siblings and their significant others.

sexy man.

We're going to look back and call this Chad's beard phase.

Paisley's newest boyfriend.

I LOVE that we have room for people!!

She loved her cake and had no problem dunking her own face in!  She was so excited!!

It was delicious, malformations and all.  Thanks to everyone that came to celebrate our little Stella!

LONG STORIES: BIRTHING

My freshman year here at Dixie I was at a party and I talked to a guy that was completing the EMT program.  I had always been very interested in emergency medicine-but for some reason I never pictured that I could just go to school for that and then do it for a living.  So the following semester I signed up for the program and completely my EMT-basic (an awesome move for a single 19 year old because it's ALL firemen in that class...).  During my EMT training we learn how to deliver babies in an emergency situation and our nurse that trained us was from the East coast.  She went on for days about what pansies we West coast women were-that we didn't know how to labor and all we wanted was the epidural.  It was at that time that I vowed that I was a big tough girl and I wouldn't need drugs to deliver my baby!!

I went on from there to complete my EMT-Intermediate and was seriously considering the Paramedic program and suddenly had a change of heart.  It was weird-I just knew it wasn't what I was supposed to do.  So I dropped out and switched over to Digital Motion Picture Production (totally not weird to do that at all) and ended up doing the remainder of my schooling in the Visual Technologies.  Unfortunately at the time EMT-I's made $6.75 an hour and I could make WAY more than that doing just about anything else so I never really had the chance to run ambulance.  I worked as a Med Tech, and a severely over-educated lifeguard, but it always left me wondering why I had wanted to/felt so strongly to complete my EMT training.

Flash forward a few years and I was pregnant with Paisley.  I had taken this vow at this point to not take any drugs (solely because I.WAS.TOUGH...oh dear) and so I started studying up on what I needed to do to get though labor without meds.  It was looking grim.  While prego I watched one of my closest friends go through one of the most arduous inductions I had ever seen and end up with an emergency c-section and I went home and bawled.  It was terrifying.  So I checked every book they had on the subject out at the library and I read.  And read.  And read.  My EMT training had also taught me that delivering at home was a very bad idea (mostly because at the time we didn't have any Certified Nurse Midwives or really well trained midwives for that matter and by the time ambulance was called it was really bad).  So I interviewed and hired the best OB for the job and hoped for the best.  We couldn't really afford a doula (I don't know if I really knew what one of those was yet...even in all my reading) nor could we afford childbirth education classes, so we downloaded some and watched those, hoping for the best. 

Considering it was my first baby and going off still limited knowledge, things went really well.  I managed to avoid any really interventions, stayed in the shower until transition-and really ultimately had an incredible experience.  At that point I thought that monitoring throughout labor was really important...and so does the hospital staff-but laying flat and not moving in bed is no way to labor, and that's ultimately what made me take the drugs.  I'm glad I did-I was so panicked and so did Jon and being in the situation that we were... I still believe it was the best thing to do!  I absolutely cannot ever look down at anyone for getting an epidural because labor is rough!

Anyway, most of that is a bit of a side note-the important thing is that when I got pregnant with Stella it renewed my efforts to learn everything I could about how to best deliver a baby.  I was surprised more and more as I really began to look into statistics and studies.  It turns out that at home with a Certified Nurse Midwife is your BEST CHANCES!!  Continual monitoring really is not necessary!   Most importantly I studied the difference between pain and suffering-they are 2 different things.  I read many amazing articles on the difference and how to manage pain.  I found several books, text books even on midwifery and even doula training and put together my birth plan.  And Stella's birth was an incredible success.  I couldn't have planned it better-it was amazing.  Hiring a midwife instead of an OB really made a difference for me, having Jon study and be better prepared made a HUGE difference, having a support system all set up and in place and knowing what to say no to and what to say yes to was key.

Wow, this is getting longer than I anticipated.  I think with Stella my attitude changed so much too. I no longer wanted to give birth naturally so that I could prove my toughness-I wanted to experience the whole thing.  I wanted to have the urge to push and be more aware of everything happening (I was not more aware-labor is crazy intense regardless).  Having her left me wanting to share this-because it is a crazy experience!  People pay crazy money to bungee jump and sky dive-giving birth is the highest of highs and the most intense experience you could ever have!

I always said back in the beginning if I went to medical school I wanted to be an OB/GYN, and now that I've learned more I've realized that I would actually be a better CNM.  Being an OB seemed so out of reach, but doing a masters in nursing seems attainable.  So lately I've been throwing the idea around...go back to school, then back to work...with such young kids...i don't know...  And then I was considering maybe becoming a doula and just working as a labor support for now..nothing medical just support.  All of this has been bouncing around in the back of my head working it's way through for months now.

And then we moved.  And went to church.  An I mentioned to someone at church that I'm interested in all of this and word quickly got around and I got a call.  And now I'm training to be a birth assistant with a Certified Nurse Midwife here in town!!  She has a small enough clientele that I shouldn't be too busy but enough that I get a taste for now.  As I sat in my first training all of the stars aligned and I felt like suddenly the last 10 years of my life have prepared me to do this-starting with my EMT training and ending with me wanting to learn more about how to be a doula.  It's all coming together and I'm so excited.

I went to my first birth last night.  I got home at 4:30 this morning.  It was amazing.

THE PIONEER WOMAN

I've just started to really catch on to a habit I've formed.  I'm honestly not completely sure when it started, I know I've mentioned it before on here, but today's "woman" doesn't really intimidate me.   It's the pioneer woman that does. (When I say pioneer woman I'm not talking about that sweet woman with the awesome blog with recipes and photo tips, I mean Great Great Great Grandma that crossed the plains)  Instead of the traditional "keeping up with the Jone's" I find myself wondering how the pioneer woman would spend her time, how she would fix this problem, and what a better job she probably did raising her kids.  Her kids couldn't watch too much TV.  She wasn't ever distracted by Pinterest.  She couldn't escape to an indoor shower with hot water when she needed a break.  She nursed her babies, and had them all naturally.  She had no bouncy chair to hold her babies, and no Tylenol for fevers at night.  She cooked all of her meals homemade, darned socks instead of buying new ones and probably got up at dawn and slept at dusk.  I'm guessing exercising wasn't much of an issue-hauling water, heating water and washing dishes alone sounds like some serious cardio to me!  She didn't have a memory foam mattress, air-conditioning or straightener...  She intimidates me.  She's what I ultimately want to measure myself against.  She's who I think about at night when I wonder if I'm doing a good job...

THE PIONEER WOMAN

I've just started to really catch on to a habit I've formed.  I'm honestly not completely sure when it started, I know I've mentioned it before on here, but today's "woman" doesn't really intimidate me.   It's the pioneer woman that does. (When I say pioneer woman I'm not talking about that sweet woman with the awesome blog with recipes and photo tips, I mean Great Great Great Grandma that crossed the plains)  Instead of the traditional "keeping up with the Jone's" I find myself wondering how the pioneer woman would spend her time, how she would fix this problem, and what a better job she probably did raising her kids.  Her kids couldn't watch too much TV.  She wasn't ever distracted by Pinterest.  She couldn't escape to an indoor shower with hot water when she needed a break.  She nursed her babies, and had them all naturally.  She had no bouncy chair to hold her babies, and no Tylenol for fevers at night.  She cooked all of her meals homemade, darned socks instead of buying new ones and probably got up at dawn and slept at dusk.  I'm guessing exercising wasn't much of an issue-hauling water, heating water and washing dishes alone sounds like some serious cardio to me!  She didn't have a memory foam mattress, air-conditioning or straightener...  She intimidates me.  She's what I ultimately want to measure myself against.  She's who I think about at night when I wonder if I'm doing a good job...

STELLA'S BIRTH | MY SECOND BABY

Before I begin this post, I have to thank my very kind Father in heaven.  I am still completely in awe at how things all came together, and I'm so grateful.

My sister got married on Friday, June 1st.  I woke up that morning to my mucous plug shedding...hopeful that it would lead to something.  I then ran around helping her and everyone else get ready, attending and photographing after the wedding and then attending and photographing the reception.  I was not a happy camper-mostly because the uncertainty of when I was going to have this baby, and the amount of pain I was having with contractions that would not regulate.

Saturday, the 2nd was our Family Reunion.  The Hubbs and I were the first ones at the cemetery where we were starting, followed by Katie, my cousin and midwife.  After complaining to her of my very frustrating pains and lack of regulation she offered to take me over to her house a couple of streets away and at least check me to see if anything was happening.  I was dilated to a 4+ and 70% effaced...progress from my appointment on Thursday.  So she stripped my membranes.  Like really good.

I kept having contractions, went home for lunch and then laid down for a nap.  Finally as I lay down things started to regulate-5 minutes apart.  Painful, but not really.  I let them keep going for 2-ish hours and then got up to start putting things together.  I got in the tub for a bit, cleaned up some things and packed our bags.  Every time I was up they would start going faster and harder and every time I laid down and tried to relax they would settle back down to 5 mins or so apart.

When I had Paisley, my water broke at home.  I really tried to help that not happen this time but doing everything I could to prevent infections and taking both Vitamin C and E.  I really do think that helped keep my amniotic sac intact.  Unfortunately, trying to determine when is the best time to go to the hospital was way more difficult without my water being broken.  Finally, I just kind of felt like it was time because when I was up and around they were getting pretty intense.

They took me to triage and hooked me up to monitors, flat on my back and told me I had to stay that way for the next hour.  The nurse checked me and said that I was still at only a 4+ and 70% effaced, which was a little discouraging considering that's where I had been that morning.  Thankfully my contractions were 5 minutes apart at this point because every one was quite miserable not really being able to move.  My exercise ball had been my place of choice at home because it did wonders for my hips and lower back rolling around on it through contractions.  The nurse came in and explained that if I didn't progress in the next hour it would probably be best for me to head back home...something I DID NOT want to hear.  It was hard not to cry.

They kept giving me water, which made me need to pee so i took the opportunity to go into the bathroom and squat through my contractions-hoping to move her down.  Every time I got up they would get more and more intense, and when I would lay down they would space out-but were continuing to get more painful.  She checked me again in an hour and I was at a 5-ish, so she called Katie, who thankfully was already on her way in.  I overhead her explaining that she just thought this was early labor, and I guess tried to tell Katie that I thought I needed to go home!

Hearing Katie's voice was just the beginning of so many reassurances that she offered me that night.  The nurse had also explained that even if I wanted to be in the tub they would be getting me out every 20 minutes to monitor me because "we have rules here"  So disheartening.  Katie then walked in just after that and I told her I needed to get out of the bed, and now.  She helped me out of the monitors and asked me why I wanted to go home.  Which was confusing, because I did not want to go home.  I started walking the halls and only made it one lap before I started begging for the shower.  Thankfully, she put me in my room and I got in the shower while they filled the tub.  The shower was nice, but the tub was heaven.  Ohhhhhhh...heaven.  It instantly took away the lower back pain and contraction pain and made everything completely bearable again.  She also kicked all the nurses out of my room and left me to labor in the tub-checking in ever once in a while as things started to pick up.  Time at this point started to lose all meaning and became merely life between contractions.

I think it was around this point that I started to get loud-ish.  Moaning was really helping me through contractions and I remember regretting that I stayed quiet while I was in labor with Paisley...so I did not hold back.  I kind of feel bad for the other women laboring around me.  I don't know if they could hear me or not, but it was probably a little scary.  I'm remembering uttering/moaning the phrase "OOOOooooopen, OOOoooooopen" over and over again.  I wanted my cervix to open.

At one point, Katie had me get out of the tub to check me.  I was in very active labor and having contractions in bed was rough.  Thankfully Jon was there the whole way, pushing on my knees while one of the nurses tried to start an IV.  I have a hole in my hand.  I really, really tried to stay still but it was hard.  I was at a very stretchy 7-she could open me to a 9+ but officially I was at a 7. I was feeling SOO much pressure so she asked if she could pop my water (something I originally didn't want but very rapidly changed my mind about and I'm so glad I did).  I ran and hopped back in the tub as soon as I was free.  This was when things really, really started to get intense.

I've watched a lot of home birth videos where the women are in inflatable tubs-I was so glad mine was hard and plastic.  I had a death grip on the sides, and through this period of transition, tried to climb the walls.  The contractions were unreal.  I was continually fighting with everything I had not to panic.  They kept coming on top of each other.  It felt the best to get on all fours, but my knees kept falling asleep so I would try to change position in-between, but it was getting to where there was no in-between.  Katie rescued me.  So did Jon.  Jon jumped in the tub in his swim trunks and started pushing my hips together with all of his might-offering counter pressure to my lower back as well.  Katie stayed 3 inches from my face and told me over and over again that I was ok, I was strong, I was a mother, I was having a baby, I could do this, I was doing this-and I repeated all of this after her.  I needed to be told that I was ok.  Over and over again.  At one point I remember thinking that maybe I wanted and epidural and I went to tell her as a contraction was coming but it came out "I want..no, I don't want an epidural" and she agreed with me and then went back to telling me I was ok, with me repeating after her and trying to breath.  I remember thinking that it was probably too late to get one, and that getting one would require getting out of the tub, and sitting still-2 things I was not willing to do at this point.  I can honestly say what I was doing appealed to me more than that at the time.

I started feeling pushy.  I think for some reason I always thought the urge to push would be this very obvious light switch flipping on.  It was more of a transition.  It started to feel pretty good to push during contractions, but not enough.  Finally Katie asked me if I would get out of the tub.  She could feel that it was holding me back, and thought I might be ready.  I climbed out as quickly as I could in-between contractions and ran to the bed to get on all fours.  I'm so glad she had me turn over because as soon as I was squatting at the end of the bed my whole world changed.  It felt SO GOOD.  Ohhhh, I loved to push into the contractions.  She had just enough time to check, tell me I had a bit of a lip, oh and now the lip was gone, and now I was fully dilated and she had just enough time to get her gown on and my Mom in the door and Stella was out!  I had one really good push for her head, then they tried to get me to stop for a second and then her body followed and suddenly I had this baby in my arms.  The whole thing was beyond surreal.  I guess I just thought I would be pushing for awhile so to suddenly be handed a baby really sent me into shock.  And then it was over.  I had no tearing or damage, the placenta followed nicely, and we have a sweet baby girl!

As I write this I have no idea how I survived.  I have never had such an intense experience in all of my life.  After I settled down and realized that everything took place in 3 hours (we arrived at the hospital at 7:45 and she was born around 11) it overwhelmed me even more.  I am so thankful she is here.  And that she came on June 2nd.  I wanted her to so that my Mom could be there.  And I was so done being pregnant.   I can't even believe how amazing Katie was-she kept me in the game...and my sweet sweet husband.  He managed to not only stay on my back, but also took over for Katie coaching whenever she was checking me or such, and also took some awesome pictures!!  I feel so very blessed.